Monday, August 4, 2008

A Heavy Heart . . .

This post is going to be a little different than usual.


I prefer to keep my topics light & upbeat. I figure we all have enough stress in our lives & reading other people's blogs is often a way to escape the everyday stresses we all face at one time or another.


I really wanted to do a light post today, but I have something on my mind today that is weighing a bit heavy.


I will try to briefly tell you about it without going into too much detail.


This evening my brother, sister & I are faced with telling my Mom that she can no longer live with her husband of 3 years and that in the next 6 weeks he will move to California and she will move into assisted living in Michigan.


Mom is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and it has progressed to a point that her husband can no longer care for her and his family feels it is best that he move into a retirement home without her. We had thought up until 2 weeks ago that Mom was going with him. Yesterday when I talked to her she thinks she is still going with him.


My Mom & her husband both lost their spouses to cancer 7 years ago. Four years ago they met and were like 2 kids in love. Mom wasn't sick then. I had never seen such love and happiness at that stage of life. So, while it seemed a bit strange to see her with another man after 56 years of marriage to Dad, I was just glad to see her happy and not lonely anymore.

Now, since all 3 of my Mom's kids live in different states and time is of the essence for us, we are going to have a conference call to my Mom to gently break this news to her . I am so thankful to have loving siblings to share this burden with, but I dread the call. Unfortunately that is how it goes when families become scattered around the country.




*****


Mom, in a perfect world it would be more like this ~


I would bring you over to our house. We would start with a walk through the garden. I know we both miss that. I remember when you were a young mother and grandma would come to visit the first thing you both would do is walk around the yard and look at the flowers taking note of what was in bloom, sharing stories of when the peonies bloomed this year and who gave you a start of their daisy plant. You always loved to garden and couldn’t wait to walk around the yards of your 2 daughters when you visited. It’s been awhile since you were able to see my yard. So, come take my hand and we will stroll thru the garden. We can take as long as you like and reminisce . .. There is no need to rush today. As you so often remind me, we need to take time to smell the roses.

After we have toured the garden we will have lunch together. I made Aunt Mary’s Chicken Salad and we can talk about all of the times you made it and served it to your tennis friends and that would most likely lead to many laughs about the fun you gals had together. We would definitely have something chocolate for dessert as we both know that no meal is complete without a bit of chocolate at the end. We can sit at the table for as long as you like ~ there is no clock to worry about today.

~ Mothers Day 1989 ~

My sister, me & Mom


When the time seemed right I would broach the subject that I would rather not broach. I will find it very difficult, but know that it has to be done. So, I will look into your eyes and explain to the best of my ability. We can cry together and when you forget what I just told you I will patiently explain it over again as many times as it takes. We will talk about how much all 3 of your children love you and care about you and want you to live happily. While we know it will be different, it can also be good. You will be back to the place you spent most of your life. The place where you were born, the place you raised your family, the place where many of your longtime friends and family still are. They have been concerned about you and will be so glad to be able to visit with you. I will assure you that we have found a nice place for you to live and we are going to make it feel comfortable and homey.

I will take your hand and reassure you that all 3 of us are here for you and you need not be afraid. We know life will take another change for you, but it is our desire to make it a positive change.
We love you, Mom!!


~My sister, Mom, my brother & me~

2002

12 comments:

  1. Oh my...what a difficult thing to have to do..I do so hope that your mother will understand. Alzheimer's is such a terrible disease...and when it took my mother from me, it was horrible. My children didn't understand why Grandma didn't know them anymore.

    I'll be saying prayers for you...

    Take care and hugz,
    Michele

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  2. Oh, some tears slid down my face as I was reading this. Alzheimer's is so hard to deal with. I had a grandmother that had it and ended up not knowing who I was. Anytime something slips my mind I about panic over the thought of Alzheimer's. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time with your mother.

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  3. Kim,

    Don't ever feel bad about writing a post that is sad. The blogging community is made up of friends that are here for you.

    I am crying for your pain. I wish that I had the magic words to make it all go away, but I guess life is filled with expereinces that we may not always understand, at least while we are going through them.

    Thank the Lord that you do have such a close family. I pray that this is a relief to your mother as well.

    Your mother is a very blessed woman to have you and your siblings.

    The Lord's peace be with you all.

    You are in my prayers.

    Love Melissa

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  4. Oh, such a hard thing to have to do, but the love you have for your mother speaks loud and clear throughout your post.
    My prayers are with you and your family.

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  5. Oh my, what a difficult time for you, Kim. Your mother is a beautiful lady.

    I'll be praying for you and your family.

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  6. Oh Kim! What started out as a sad post (and I too don't post any of the negative things on my blog either) turned into a loving tribute to your mother. I have not had to deal with this issue and hope that I don't either with my own mother. I lost my father many years ago to cancer. I think Alyheimer's must be one of the hardest things to deal with for families. I am glad to hear you have support with your siblings even though you are not near each other. Living an ocean away from my family means I know how hard it is! Take courage in the fact that all you are doing, you are doing in love. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

    Hugs ~
    Heidi (and that butterfly is amazing!)

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  7. Many Blessings to you... what a difficult thing to have to do. Stay strong and know that our prayers are with you. God Bless.

    Dana

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  8. Kim,

    I'm sorry you have such a sad task ahead and please know that I am thinking of you. I'll be there for you to grab on to my hands and gain strength during the time ahead.

    Bless you and your family,

    Gretchen
    birdnestcottage.typepad.com

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  9. Kim, my heart is just breaking for you and I can't keep from crying. You mean so much to me and I don't like for you to have to go through this anguish. Sometimes we just don't know how we can make it through these difficult situations, but God will somehow get you through. My prayers are for you and your sweet mother today. Love, Twyla

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  10. Dear Kim
    What started out as such a sad post, became a precious post. It was a beautiful tribute to your mother. It made me cry! I have had 2 aunts and a cousin who had Alzheimers so I know a little of what you are going through. Thanks for sharing with us so we can be praying for you.
    Hugs, Rhondi

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  11. I thought this was a beautiful tribute to your mother and your love for her. I feel priveleged that you would share something so personal, yet so beautiful with all of us. I will carry this with me and be reminded to love my mom and love my children and hope that one day my little ones will grow up to be as wonderful to me as you are to your mom. Many, many hearfelt blessings to you and to your mom. Thank you for sharing.

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