These Days

These days are so different from life as we have known it for so many years.  These days Brett watches tv from morning to bedtime.  He eats all of his meals there never venturing into the rest of the house or outside.

These are the patio chairs we sat in most summer evenings watching the birds and commenting on the state of the garden, our plans for the days and weekends,  The first thing he always did was turn on the bird app to see who was making all of the various bird calls we heard.

Now, I sit here alone.

I still watch the birds and the state of the garden, but I struggle with feelings of deep sadness so it has also become a place to let the tears flow.

In trying to understand why he no longer wants to come out of the tv room, I have concluded that this is the way he is dealing with the Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) diagnosis and I respect that.  I can't even imagine how I would deal with such an overwhelming diagnosis.

Keeping connected to the garden helps to bring a slight sense of normalcy to the days while also providing a distraction from the constant caregiving.  The tiny fig plant that was given to me by a neighbor a few years ago is now bearing it's first fruit.  

The Meyer Lemon tree looked completely dead after spending the winter in the garage.  I gave it a few weeks on the patio and got tired of looking at it so I chopped it down to a more manageable size to be able to carry it to the trash can.  Before I got it there, I noticed a few green shoots popping up at the base.  I decided to let it spend the summer on the patio to see what would happen.  It is now close to two feet tall and looking as healthy as can be.  That was a happy surprise.  Now to see if it produces any lemons.

The garden has more weeds than I like these days.

When time allows I work on eradicating them.

As I tug and yank on them I visualize eradicating ALS.  Wishful thinking, I know, but sometimes it helps for a moment.

Bringing in a few flowers after my weeding sessions is a nice bonus.

Earlier this summer Jaxson and his daddy came for a visit.

Brett has changed so much since they last saw him at Christmastime.

I know it was sad for them to see.

We found many moments to create happy memories along the way.

Most importantly we celebrated Jaxson's 13th birthday.

He and I took several walks through the woods.  One day we sat on the swing and I smiled when he wanted to turn on the bird app.  We talked and talked.  It was wonderful to have this one on one time with him and learn more about his life.

Another exciting and happy moment was when we found out he will become a big brother later this year.  We have since found out that he will have a little sister.  Being a boy mom and grandma all these years I am over the moon to think that I can finally buy all of those adorable little girl clothes!!

I know that Brett is excited too, although he has expressed his fears of not being here for the baby's birth.  I pray that is not the case while knowing that he has reason to think this way.

Since January he has changed so much.

At his recent visit with the ALS team we learned that he now weighs 145.  Despite me doing everything I can to pack calories into his food, this disease speeds up the metabolism.  The dietitian told us that he would have to consume 2600 calories a day to maintain his weight.  That is a real struggle when the swallowing muscles are atrophying.  Scary choking incidents happen much too frequently.  His ability to cough effectively is nearly nonexistent so we now have a cough assist machine and a suction machine to help deal with this.

We also learned that his lung function/breathing numbers are down since our January visit.  Next month he will be getting a feeding tube.  If we wait much longer his breathing won't be good enough for them to safely do this procedure.  

These days are unpredictable, often exhausting, sad and not at all what we had hoped our first year of retirement would be like.

Saturday was our 45th wedding anniversary.

I realize that we are now in the "sickness" part of our vows.

Looking through our wedding album I had to laugh at this final photo in the album.  Partly because of how wedding photos have changed through the years and partly how that hand signal I am using has new meaning all these years later.

These days ALS is trying hard to steal Brett's voice.  Many times all that comes out is a whisper.  Most times I think it is tiring for him to speak so he often points to things or gives me a thumbs up sign.  Brett always loved to talk so this is particularly sad to me.

At bedtime he wears a non invasive ventilator to help his breathing while he sleeps.  Once we get the ventilator mask on and get him tucked into bed I want to make sure that he is comfortable before shutting out the light.  Trying to understand anything he says with the mask on is challenging so once he is situated he gives me two thumbs up followed by two okay signs.  

45 years ago I could have never imagined the new meaning that simple hand signal would take on.  So much has changed, but the LOVE remains and for that I am truly grateful.

The Sweetest Signs of Spring

Flipping the calendar to March was a real mood elevator.

The colorful flowers and the mama bird with her nest of eggs offers hope for the beauty of the upcoming Spring season.  The card attached to the calendar was made by my sister.  I think it pairs so nicely with the calendar.  Together they are a real bright spot in the kitchen right now.

In my last post we were anticipating a snowstorm.

It came and dumped nearly a foot of snow.  The most we've seen at one time since moving to North Carolina more than twenty years ago.

It was pretty, but overstayed it's welcome in my opinion.  

It seems like I am reminded almost daily about how much our lives have changed.  Realizing that I was to be the one totally responsible for removing all of that snow from the driveway was a bit daunting.

Usually our snow melts so soon after it falls that it rarely requires shoveling.  This was different.  The week before we had an ice/sleet storm.  The remnants of that were still hanging around on our shady side of the street.

Snow is so rare that I didn't even own a pair of winter boots, so I put on my gardening boots, grabbed the snow shovel and went to town.

I learned a few things along the way...

I'm a lot older than I was the last time I shoveled snow.

I needed to own snow boots even if they rarely get worn.

I have taken care of that which will probably ensure that we will have no more snowfall until they are totally out of style.

Anyhow, once the snow and ice finally disappeared, I put those spring bulbs (above) into my grocery cart.

I planted them right outside the window.

I make sure to glance at them several times a day.

A small investment with big returns.

As someone who tries to look on the bright side of things, it has been a challenge lately.  Watching my husband deal with ALS is just plain SAD.  There is no getting around that.  

In trying to keep looking on the bright side, I am vowing to spend more time working on my gardens.

Most of our time is spent at home now.  Even though I am happy@home, I find I am going a bit stir crazy at times.  Those are the times I head outside.  Gardening has always felt like therapy to me.  At this time of year I always envision beautiful bouquets of flowers and a healthy harvest of blueberries.  My current efforts have been in trimming the hydrangeas and fertilizing them along with the blueberry bushes.  

The bunny in the pot is happy to see the chives and oregano coming to life once again.

The earliest signs of Spring are making their way into the house too.

A little vignette to gaze upon while washing the dishes.

I would like to say thank you for your kind words and prayers on my last post.  It means so much and makes this journey a little easier to bear.

💕

In The Late Summer Garden

One night last summer our hummingbird feeder disappeared.

Prior to that we had found it on the ground in the morning and had surmised that it was deer who had knocked it off the shepherd's hook from which it hung.

On that particular morning of it's disappearance, it was nowhere to be found and has still never shown up.

Twas a real mystery as we were quite sure that deer couldn't walk off with it.

Thinking it pointless to buy another, we have just planted flowers that we knew the hummers are drawn to.

I see them regularly on the lantana pictured above.

In March our garden club project was to assemble seed bombs.

Are you familiar with them?

If not, they are a mixture of wildflower seeds, kitty litter and soil mixed with water and rolled into balls.  Here you see them drying.

Once dried it was time to say "bombs away" and toss them into the garden.  We were told that we would not need to water them.  Nature would take care of them.  Knowing how diligent one must be with watering when planting seeds, I wondered how this was going to work.

Coreopsis

As summer unfolded, it was so fun to see many different flowers sprouting from those "bombs".

Candytuft

Zinnias

Another favorite with the hummingbirds.

Queen Anne's Lace

These are just a few of what has sprouted since I dropped a bomb on my garden... baby, you dropped a bomb on me. 🎶. Sorry, couldn't help myself.

All of the plants surrounding that Queen Anne's Lace have yet to flower so there will be many more surprises before the frost comes.

What fun this has been.

A garden themed puzzle for when the weather was just too hot or rainy to be in the garden.

Now that we are moving into late summer, the hummingbirds are frequent visitors to the garden.

As I had a gift card to Wild Birds Unlimited burning a hole in my pocket, I decided to give the hummingbird feeder another try.

This time I will try to remember to bring it onto the screened in patio at night.  First thing this morning I made some nectar, filled the feeder and enjoyed my morning coffee while watching them discover the new feeder.  Didn't take them long at all.

The man at Wild Birds Unlimited helped me solve the mystery of the hummingbird feeder bandit.

Yes, a true bandit in the form of a raccoon.

He said they are able to grab feeders with their little hands and will drag them back to their den (wherever the heck that might be).

Have you had any surprise in your garden?

Outdoors in Springtime

Mrs. Wren started to build a nest in my pansies (see previous post) and then changed her mind.  So, no wren nest to report.  I can, however, report a black capped chickadee nest in the birdhouse.

I startled the momma yesterday when I peeked in to see what was happening.

Yes, that's yours truly pushing a lawn mower for the first time in 25 years.  Brett has developed a problem with foot drop which makes navigating the inclines in our backyard with the lawnmower very difficult.  Before making the decision to hire it done, I decided to give it a try.  It was such a beautiful day yesterday and I've been trying to lose some weight and get more fit.  I found it to be a good challenge.  Between the two of us we finished the job.  We'll see how I feel about it when the heat and humidity sets in.  Could be a different story then.   

After the mowing was done, I went around to see what was in bloom.

The clematis has climbed to the top of the trellis and decided to continue growing all through the laurel bushes.  The laurels are due for a trim.  I guess I'll wait until the clematis is through blooming to give them all a haircut.

For now we will enjoy their beautiful blossoms.

Recently we had a fence and stepping stones installed along the side of the house.  You may remember me mentioning that this side has a four foot drop off.  Since the water spigot is located on this side, we do have to walk along here.  We've talked about doing this for years and finally got it done.  I'm so happy with the way it turned out and have greater piece of mind now that nobody will be toppling over the edge.

I like how they made a couple of steps up to the courtyard patio.

Along this same side of the house just past the patio, the azaleas are in all their glory.

While checking out all the things in bloom I came across this.

After watching them for awhile I have no doubt that there will soon be a population increase of ladybugs in our area.  :D.

I will be happy to lay out the welcome mat as they are such beneficial insects for the garden.

Flowers and Other Signs of Spring

Look close and you will see the Carolina Wren that popped out of my pansy pot a couple of weeks ago.  March 1st to be exact.

Fast forward to March 19th and the pansy pot is a profusion of pretty colors.

This morning I saw Mrs. Wren paying another visit.

With a tiny twig clutched in her beak, she was clearly beginning the construction of a home for her babies.  I intend to pay closer attention in hopes of discovering where this nest building is taking place.  I know wrens tend to set up housekeeping in all sorts of interesting places.  I'm hoping the nest isn't going to appear in my pansies as it would be a challenge to keep them watered.

Time will tell.

Not far from the pansies, my grape hyacinth are just coming into bloom.

The daffodils have been in bloom for a week or more.

I clipped a bouquet for a bit of bright and sunny cheer at the front entrance.

Grocery store tulips are adding beauty to the dining table.

Tomorrow Spring will officially arrive.

I'm ready.

Are you?

Let me be the first to wish you a Very HAPPY Spring.

The Sweet Scent of Spring

While waiting for Spring's arrival, I have enjoyed browsing through some of my gardening books.  This morning I pulled this one from the shelf.  

I purchased it awhile ago at a used bookstore.

Published in England in 1992, it is geared toward the youngest gardeners.

Each season offers simple projects sure to spark a lifelong interest in gardening.

Although I no longer qualify for being a young gardener, the sweet projects and delightful artwork of Beatrix Potter make me excited for the gardening season to begin.

Here is a little gardening project that is taking place in my house right now.

Hyacinth In A Jar

Mine came from Aldi.

I found one with two buds on it.

When the first one bloomed it kind of tipped over.

I don't mind as the smell is so reminiscent of springtime.

Every time I catch a whiff the excitement for Spring's true arrival begins.

I plan to keep the vase it's in and start my own next year.

While it's a bit early for Easter decorating, I couldn't resist changing out the display on my island to something more springlike.

Until now, the snowmen have been on display.

After arranging my display I placed the hyacinth near the bunny.

He looks quite pleased with the scent too.

🐇⚘🐇

Two Bags Full

Today we have been treated to an unseasonably warm February day.

73 degrees fahrenheit currently.

This called for opening the doors and a few windows.

When I opened them this morning I thought it would be for a little airing.  They've been open all day without the house getting too cold or too warm.  Delightful!

The jasmine growing on my trellis had gotten really wild looking.

It has been bugging me every time I walk by it.

The beautiful weather acted as a magnetic force pulling me out the door. 😎

Technically I am working my job from home today.

During a slow moment this morning I snuck out with my pruners and a garbage bag.  Here a snip, there a snip.

This isn't the easiest thing to prune as I can't reach the top and the ground slopes toward the 4 ft. drop off so getting on a step stool is out of the question at my age.

I took my light weight rake and pulled down as much as I could from the top, then got on my tip toes and snipped some more.

I spent the day going from my desk to the trellis and after a few hours ended up with two bags full of clippings from the jasmine.

Also managed to finish my day's office work.

While I was out there I checked in on a few of my herb plants.

The oregano is showing signs of new growth  and, while the chives are looking a bit bedraggled, they are also showing some new growth.  There were a few weeds popping up in there.  They are now relocated to the garbage bag.

The pansies that were covered in ice in my last post have begun putting out a few new flowers.  I gave them a weak dose of fertilizer to help them along.

Our high temperature tomorrow will be 20 degrees lower than today.

Looking at the weather forecast for next week I see two days featuring snowflakes.  That could all change by then so for today I am just enjoying this delightful day breathing in the fresh air and tending my little garden with thoughts of the pretty flowers that will soon begin blooming.

⚘⚘⚘

In November

Is it really November 21st?

I feel like I just posted about Halloween and next week it will be Thanksgiving.

Today we had blue skies and sunshine until about 3:00 when a noticeable darkness descended in the house.  Odd as we aren't expecting rain.

I took a look out my office window and appreciated the sunlight illuminating the trees with that dramatic dark sky in the background.

I love when that happens.  November seems to be the month for those lighting conditions.

I feel like if we're paying attention, Mother Nature is putting the spotlight on the beautiful autumn colored trees and, in this case, birdies suggesting we take note of their unique beauty .

Around here we are still awaiting our first significant frost.

We had a light frost this morning, but not enough to cause any damage.

The leaves have begun to flutter off the trees.  Although there is still a lot of color to appreciate.

My pansies are happy.

The camellias are blooming beautifully.

Inside the Thanksgiving cactus are just about to bloom.

Since we will be traveling for Thanksgiving, I am hoping that we will be able to see them in full bloom.

How has your November been?

Is it flying at a rapid pace for you too?

🦃🦃🦃