These Days

These days are so different from life as we have known it for so many years.  These days Brett watches tv from morning to bedtime.  He eats all of his meals there never venturing into the rest of the house or outside.

These are the patio chairs we sat in most summer evenings watching the birds and commenting on the state of the garden, our plans for the days and weekends,  The first thing he always did was turn on the bird app to see who was making all of the various bird calls we heard.

Now, I sit here alone.

I still watch the birds and the state of the garden, but I struggle with feelings of deep sadness so it has also become a place to let the tears flow.

In trying to understand why he no longer wants to come out of the tv room, I have concluded that this is the way he is dealing with the Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) diagnosis and I respect that.  I can't even imagine how I would deal with such an overwhelming diagnosis.

Keeping connected to the garden helps to bring a slight sense of normalcy to the days while also providing a distraction from the constant caregiving.  The tiny fig plant that was given to me by a neighbor a few years ago is now bearing it's first fruit.  

The Meyer Lemon tree looked completely dead after spending the winter in the garage.  I gave it a few weeks on the patio and got tired of looking at it so I chopped it down to a more manageable size to be able to carry it to the trash can.  Before I got it there, I noticed a few green shoots popping up at the base.  I decided to let it spend the summer on the patio to see what would happen.  It is now close to two feet tall and looking as healthy as can be.  That was a happy surprise.  Now to see if it produces any lemons.

The garden has more weeds than I like these days.

When time allows I work on eradicating them.

As I tug and yank on them I visualize eradicating ALS.  Wishful thinking, I know, but sometimes it helps for a moment.

Bringing in a few flowers after my weeding sessions is a nice bonus.

Earlier this summer Jaxson and his daddy came for a visit.

Brett has changed so much since they last saw him at Christmastime.

I know it was sad for them to see.

We found many moments to create happy memories along the way.

Most importantly we celebrated Jaxson's 13th birthday.

He and I took several walks through the woods.  One day we sat on the swing and I smiled when he wanted to turn on the bird app.  We talked and talked.  It was wonderful to have this one on one time with him and learn more about his life.

Another exciting and happy moment was when we found out he will become a big brother later this year.  We have since found out that he will have a little sister.  Being a boy mom and grandma all these years I am over the moon to think that I can finally buy all of those adorable little girl clothes!!

I know that Brett is excited too, although he has expressed his fears of not being here for the baby's birth.  I pray that is not the case while knowing that he has reason to think this way.

Since January he has changed so much.

At his recent visit with the ALS team we learned that he now weighs 145.  Despite me doing everything I can to pack calories into his food, this disease speeds up the metabolism.  The dietitian told us that he would have to consume 2600 calories a day to maintain his weight.  That is a real struggle when the swallowing muscles are atrophying.  Scary choking incidents happen much too frequently.  His ability to cough effectively is nearly nonexistent so we now have a cough assist machine and a suction machine to help deal with this.

We also learned that his lung function/breathing numbers are down since our January visit.  Next month he will be getting a feeding tube.  If we wait much longer his breathing won't be good enough for them to safely do this procedure.  

These days are unpredictable, often exhausting, sad and not at all what we had hoped our first year of retirement would be like.

Saturday was our 45th wedding anniversary.

I realize that we are now in the "sickness" part of our vows.

Looking through our wedding album I had to laugh at this final photo in the album.  Partly because of how wedding photos have changed through the years and partly how that hand signal I am using has new meaning all these years later.

These days ALS is trying hard to steal Brett's voice.  Many times all that comes out is a whisper.  Most times I think it is tiring for him to speak so he often points to things or gives me a thumbs up sign.  Brett always loved to talk so this is particularly sad to me.

At bedtime he wears a non invasive ventilator to help his breathing while he sleeps.  Once we get the ventilator mask on and get him tucked into bed I want to make sure that he is comfortable before shutting out the light.  Trying to understand anything he says with the mask on is challenging so once he is situated he gives me two thumbs up followed by two okay signs.  

45 years ago I could have never imagined the new meaning that simple hand signal would take on.  So much has changed, but the LOVE remains and for that I am truly grateful.

Butterflies, Boating, Bouquets & Baby Bunnies

Beautiful Butterflies

This was the first one to show up over a month ago and now they are arriving daily in all sorts of different colors.

Boating

The middle of June found us enjoying the boat.

On this day it was a double decker boat with a slide.

After assuring Jaxson that there were no sharks in this lake, we couldn't keep him out of the water.  The slide quickly became a favorite.

Flower Bouquets ~ big & small

It's that wonderful time of year for gathering backyard bouquets.

Baby Bunnies

You know what they say about bunnies multiplying...

That has been proven in this neighborhood this summer.

This baby Eastern Cottontail was sitting at my front door the other day.  He/she was so tiny and adorable that I nearly opened the door to invite it in.  We have been seeing them daily.  Mommies, Daddies and many, many babies.  Last night we were sitting on the patio when one that was even tinier than this was entertaining us with it's antics.  They are a lot of fun to watch.

Depending on who you talk to in the neighborhood, they are cute or perhaps not so cute to the ones who have had their flowers and gardens nibbled on.

Well, that about sums up summer around here.

Hope you are enjoying your summer days!!

🌞

Happy To Be Home

A beautiful day in sunny Florida.

Judging by this picture one might get the idea that we enjoyed a tropical vacation.

The main reason for our trip was to move my mother-in-law into assisted living from the apartment she has been in since 2014.

We drove down on Thanksgiving day.

Not knowing what would be open, and in an effort to save time, we packed lunch and ate at a rest stop.

Turkey Jerky, sweet potato chips, homemade pumpkin muffin and clementines were my attempt at making this somewhat unusual Thanksgiving still seem festive.

The traffic was light as we had hoped.

We arrived at our first destination in time to celebrate with our son and his family.  Thankfully we were able to visit with them for a few more days.

Jaxson loved going on walks with his grandparents and showing us the best views in his neighborhood.  Grandma wanted a picture by the pretty poinsettias.

When grandpa was ready for a rest, Jaxson found a palm frond and used it as a fan.

😄

Soon it was time to head further south and begin our work.

We spent 6 days going through my mother-in-law's belongings.

She is in a much smaller place now so everything had to be dealt with in short order.  Like so many from her generation. she was a saver.  I was amazed to come across her high school scrap book filled with crumbling corsages. Boxes and boxes and boxes of photos made me glad that we now store them on our devices for the most part.  We brought back what we could fit in the car to be distributed to various family members.  We lost count of trips to the donation center.

Once the jobs were done, we enjoyed a celebratory dinner and visited her in her new home.

In her room with her daughter and yours truly.

Our last day we visited during "happy hour".

Mother & son enjoyed the Christmas carols being played on the piano and a nice conversation.

Somewhat teary goodbyes are always hard.

At 95 years old she is in remarkable health.

Prior to her move she had a few falls and it became clear that she couldn't live alone anymore.  Convincing her of that was interesting (to say the least).  After an adjustment period she is now doing very well in her new home.

We are now back home and Christmas seems to be coming way too fast.  The smartest thing I've done in a while is ...

putting up my trees and all Christmas decorations prior to leaving.

After a very busy few weeks and a long drive home it was so nice to walk into our home all lit up for the holidays.

Merry Christmas to me :).

This afternoon is my eye injection appointment and then I'm off the computer for a few days.  Can't wait to have a minute to sit and catch up on blog reading.

To Florida and Back

Last week we travelled to the Sunshine State.

The first few days we visited Brett's mom.  She will turn 95 later this year and is starting to show signs of dementia.  Brett and his sister went through her storage room while I spent time going through photos with her.  A lot of time was spent reminiscing about these photos.  Often I had no idea who the people were and she couldn't remember, yet she was reluctant to toss them.  I tried to explain that the younger generation isn't typically interested in these old relics so if they didn't have meaning to her, it wasn't necessary to keep hundreds and hundreds of them.  

Meanwhile in the storage room, Brett and his sister dealt with tax papers from the 1970s to the present and every brochure for every piece of furniture, appliance, etc. that they had owned.  Once done they had 400 lbs. of paperwork to be shredded.

I don't say this to be critical of my in-laws.  Instead, it was a reminder of how much has changed regarding keeping photos and paperwork in the past few decades.  

After the work was done, we enjoyed a nice lunch overlooking the water.

The boating activity and pelicans were entertaining as we dined on fresh grouper sandwiches.

Then it was on to visit our son and his family for the remainder of the week.  Jaxson was on spring break so there was lots of time for science experiments and many, many board games.

We brought our very old tennis rackets and introduced Jaxson to the game.

Somewhere in my own old photo collection I have a similar shot of my dad with his two grandsons on the tennis court holding their rackets in this same position.  My parents loved the game and wanted all of us to love it as much as they did.  

All too soon the week was over and it was time to head home.

I never like that part and neither does Jaxson :(

Good memories will tide us over until the next visit.

🌞🌞🌞

Memories Now

In the midst of the Christmas festivities, I could totally relate to granddog, Lacey's feelings on the matter.  LOL.

Once the hustle and bustle of the season has come and gone, it's good to reflect back on all that took place.

That Christmas dinner that was carefully planned and prepared is now but a memory.  Happy to say that it was enjoyed by all.

The gifts that were thoughtfully chosen and now given will be enjoyed for years to come.

Taking time out for a photo was tolerated...

But, became much more tolerable when silliness was allowed.

Now that all is said and done, it occurs to me that some of my favorite moments were not captured in photos.  Perhaps one of the highlights for me was watching grandpa teach Jaxson how to play Monopoly as I cleaned up the dinner dishes.  The game went on for hours (or at least it seemed to) with Jaxson being the winner.  Naturally that was very exciting for him and he was looking for Monopoly players first thing the next morning.

The planning, prepping, shopping, baking, cleaning and decorating are behind us now leaving behind many memories.  I do hope that yours are good ones.

As I sit here typing up this post, it is dark and pouring rain.

It's supposed to go on all day.  Inside, the coffee is hot and the Christmas tree lights are lending the last warm glow for the season.  A most welcome sight on this dreary day.

Summer Vacation

While it wasn't a train trip,  we recently took a southbound vacation.

It was our first travel since Covid began.

First stop:  This nice bed and breakfast inn located in Savannah, Georgia.

Our room could be accessed right off of this pretty courtyard.

It was pretty to look at, but far too warm to make for enjoyable seating.  Since we weren't going to be in Savannah long enough to sit much, we checked in and walked for blocks and blocks until we found a place to eat dinner.

Dinner was served in a giant plastic bag.

Any guesses as to what was in there?

A mixture of shrimp, sausage, potatoes and corn on the cob.

More commonly known as a low country boil.  A very popular dish served in this part of the country.  We had eaten it many years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it.  It was just as good as we remembered this time.

After that big dinner we walked and walked checking out the interesting shops along the Savannah River.  We enjoyed the beautiful sunset before it was time to head back to the inn.

Savannah wasn't the destination for this trip.  Just a stop along the way to break up the long drive.

The next morning we enjoyed a delicious breakfast before heading for the next stop.

St. Augustine, Florida.  Also known as the oldest city in the USA.

We spent two nights here.  Did a lot of walking and enjoyed fabulous fresh seafood in outdoor restaurants.  For some reason my only pictures were taken at the beach.  After dinner both nights we took long walks on the beach.  It had been a long time since we have been to the ocean.  After the stresses of the last few years, it felt so freeing to feel the sand between our toes, the waves crashing at our ankles and the breeze blowing through our hair.  I wished I could have bottled it up and taken it home with me.  Instead I selected a few shells to serve as a reminder.

After leaving St. Augustine, we could hardly wait to arrive at the real destination.  A visit to see our son and family.  They were scheduled to visit us in June to celebrate Jaxson's birthday.  Those plans were cancelled when Brett came down with Covid.

So, we had a belated birthday celebration and enjoyed lots of pool time.  Jaxson has become a little fish since we last saw him.

He especially enjoyed water games with his uncle.

Fourth grade will be starting for him this week.

Yikes!  How is this possible?

We went out and got his school supplies.  His mommy got his homework desk set up and I requested a photo.  Looking very grown up and studious in his new glasses.

Like all good vacations, this one went by too fast.

Today it's back to reality.

Catching up on work, checking in on my garden and lots and lots of laundry to be done.

Until next time, I hope you are enjoying your summer.

Pandemic Projects

In the early days of this pandemic it seemed like a good idea to use the time at home wisely by tackling projects that never seem to make it off the "to do list".  I found this post to be very encouraging at a time that seemed so uncertain.

Looking back over these many months, in some ways it seems like not much got accomplished.  Perhaps it is because they weren't major accomplishments like learning a new language or perhaps it is because nobody comes in to appreciate the small fruits of our labor.

I guess we really have ticked off a fair amount of things that give us a sense of accomplishment and add a bit of variety to the days.

One such project happened last weekend.  I might add that it was a non-stop rainy weekend so a little project was most welcome.

This project involved a guest room wall that had not been decorated since moving in two years ago.  I couldn't quite figure out what to do with it so I did nothing.  

A recent visit to HomeGoods served as the inspiration to get things moving.  I might add that my shopping trips are still very limited at this point.  However, after seeing so many favorite shops go out of business, I try to do a small part in supporting those that are hanging in there.

Last week I felt lucky to find something that seemed like it might work for that wall across from the bed.  After measuring and pounding a few holes in the wall, a pleasing arrangement was found.

Just one thing was missing . . .

The photos!

In trying to decide which photos to include in this collage, I opted for memories made since moving into this house.  Sure do wish I could see them in person more often.  For now, I enjoy seeing their smiling faces every time I pass through this room.  Currently that is several times a day as it is on the indoor walking route :).  Another pandemic project (of sorts) has been to increase the daily steps.  During this long string of rainy days here that has made for a lot of passes through the guest room.

Have you tackled any projects recently?