These Days

These days are so different from life as we have known it for so many years.  These days Brett watches tv from morning to bedtime.  He eats all of his meals there never venturing into the rest of the house or outside.

These are the patio chairs we sat in most summer evenings watching the birds and commenting on the state of the garden, our plans for the days and weekends,  The first thing he always did was turn on the bird app to see who was making all of the various bird calls we heard.

Now, I sit here alone.

I still watch the birds and the state of the garden, but I struggle with feelings of deep sadness so it has also become a place to let the tears flow.

In trying to understand why he no longer wants to come out of the tv room, I have concluded that this is the way he is dealing with the Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) diagnosis and I respect that.  I can't even imagine how I would deal with such an overwhelming diagnosis.

Keeping connected to the garden helps to bring a slight sense of normalcy to the days while also providing a distraction from the constant caregiving.  The tiny fig plant that was given to me by a neighbor a few years ago is now bearing it's first fruit.  

The Meyer Lemon tree looked completely dead after spending the winter in the garage.  I gave it a few weeks on the patio and got tired of looking at it so I chopped it down to a more manageable size to be able to carry it to the trash can.  Before I got it there, I noticed a few green shoots popping up at the base.  I decided to let it spend the summer on the patio to see what would happen.  It is now close to two feet tall and looking as healthy as can be.  That was a happy surprise.  Now to see if it produces any lemons.

The garden has more weeds than I like these days.

When time allows I work on eradicating them.

As I tug and yank on them I visualize eradicating ALS.  Wishful thinking, I know, but sometimes it helps for a moment.

Bringing in a few flowers after my weeding sessions is a nice bonus.

Earlier this summer Jaxson and his daddy came for a visit.

Brett has changed so much since they last saw him at Christmastime.

I know it was sad for them to see.

We found many moments to create happy memories along the way.

Most importantly we celebrated Jaxson's 13th birthday.

He and I took several walks through the woods.  One day we sat on the swing and I smiled when he wanted to turn on the bird app.  We talked and talked.  It was wonderful to have this one on one time with him and learn more about his life.

Another exciting and happy moment was when we found out he will become a big brother later this year.  We have since found out that he will have a little sister.  Being a boy mom and grandma all these years I am over the moon to think that I can finally buy all of those adorable little girl clothes!!

I know that Brett is excited too, although he has expressed his fears of not being here for the baby's birth.  I pray that is not the case while knowing that he has reason to think this way.

Since January he has changed so much.

At his recent visit with the ALS team we learned that he now weighs 145.  Despite me doing everything I can to pack calories into his food, this disease speeds up the metabolism.  The dietitian told us that he would have to consume 2600 calories a day to maintain his weight.  That is a real struggle when the swallowing muscles are atrophying.  Scary choking incidents happen much too frequently.  His ability to cough effectively is nearly nonexistent so we now have a cough assist machine and a suction machine to help deal with this.

We also learned that his lung function/breathing numbers are down since our January visit.  Next month he will be getting a feeding tube.  If we wait much longer his breathing won't be good enough for them to safely do this procedure.  

These days are unpredictable, often exhausting, sad and not at all what we had hoped our first year of retirement would be like.

Saturday was our 45th wedding anniversary.

I realize that we are now in the "sickness" part of our vows.

Looking through our wedding album I had to laugh at this final photo in the album.  Partly because of how wedding photos have changed through the years and partly how that hand signal I am using has new meaning all these years later.

These days ALS is trying hard to steal Brett's voice.  Many times all that comes out is a whisper.  Most times I think it is tiring for him to speak so he often points to things or gives me a thumbs up sign.  Brett always loved to talk so this is particularly sad to me.

At bedtime he wears a non invasive ventilator to help his breathing while he sleeps.  Once we get the ventilator mask on and get him tucked into bed I want to make sure that he is comfortable before shutting out the light.  Trying to understand anything he says with the mask on is challenging so once he is situated he gives me two thumbs up followed by two okay signs.  

45 years ago I could have never imagined the new meaning that simple hand signal would take on.  So much has changed, but the LOVE remains and for that I am truly grateful.

In The Late Summer Garden

One night last summer our hummingbird feeder disappeared.

Prior to that we had found it on the ground in the morning and had surmised that it was deer who had knocked it off the shepherd's hook from which it hung.

On that particular morning of it's disappearance, it was nowhere to be found and has still never shown up.

Twas a real mystery as we were quite sure that deer couldn't walk off with it.

Thinking it pointless to buy another, we have just planted flowers that we knew the hummers are drawn to.

I see them regularly on the lantana pictured above.

In March our garden club project was to assemble seed bombs.

Are you familiar with them?

If not, they are a mixture of wildflower seeds, kitty litter and soil mixed with water and rolled into balls.  Here you see them drying.

Once dried it was time to say "bombs away" and toss them into the garden.  We were told that we would not need to water them.  Nature would take care of them.  Knowing how diligent one must be with watering when planting seeds, I wondered how this was going to work.

Coreopsis

As summer unfolded, it was so fun to see many different flowers sprouting from those "bombs".

Candytuft

Zinnias

Another favorite with the hummingbirds.

Queen Anne's Lace

These are just a few of what has sprouted since I dropped a bomb on my garden... baby, you dropped a bomb on me. 🎶. Sorry, couldn't help myself.

All of the plants surrounding that Queen Anne's Lace have yet to flower so there will be many more surprises before the frost comes.

What fun this has been.

A garden themed puzzle for when the weather was just too hot or rainy to be in the garden.

Now that we are moving into late summer, the hummingbirds are frequent visitors to the garden.

As I had a gift card to Wild Birds Unlimited burning a hole in my pocket, I decided to give the hummingbird feeder another try.

This time I will try to remember to bring it onto the screened in patio at night.  First thing this morning I made some nectar, filled the feeder and enjoyed my morning coffee while watching them discover the new feeder.  Didn't take them long at all.

The man at Wild Birds Unlimited helped me solve the mystery of the hummingbird feeder bandit.

Yes, a true bandit in the form of a raccoon.

He said they are able to grab feeders with their little hands and will drag them back to their den (wherever the heck that might be).

Have you had any surprise in your garden?

Butterflies, Boating, Bouquets & Baby Bunnies

Beautiful Butterflies

This was the first one to show up over a month ago and now they are arriving daily in all sorts of different colors.

Boating

The middle of June found us enjoying the boat.

On this day it was a double decker boat with a slide.

After assuring Jaxson that there were no sharks in this lake, we couldn't keep him out of the water.  The slide quickly became a favorite.

Flower Bouquets ~ big & small

It's that wonderful time of year for gathering backyard bouquets.

Baby Bunnies

You know what they say about bunnies multiplying...

That has been proven in this neighborhood this summer.

This baby Eastern Cottontail was sitting at my front door the other day.  He/she was so tiny and adorable that I nearly opened the door to invite it in.  We have been seeing them daily.  Mommies, Daddies and many, many babies.  Last night we were sitting on the patio when one that was even tinier than this was entertaining us with it's antics.  They are a lot of fun to watch.

Depending on who you talk to in the neighborhood, they are cute or perhaps not so cute to the ones who have had their flowers and gardens nibbled on.

Well, that about sums up summer around here.

Hope you are enjoying your summer days!!

🌞

Taking Notice

Since my last post, two additional eye "issues" presented themselves.  One was quickly resolved with a laser procedure.  The other came on quickly while I was reading a book.  A huge floater appeared followed by showers of additional floaters.  This all happened in the eye that had received the injection two weeks prior.  I would be less than honest if I said it didn't startle me greatly.

Of course it happened on a weekend so I was scrambling for just what to do about it.  With the macular degeneration diagnosis being so new, I wasn't sure if I was soon to lose vision in the eye or just what was going on.

I called the number for the eye care center and, fortunately, could leave a message for the doctor on call.  When he returned my call, he asked some questions and said it sounded like PVD.  He explained what it was and said it isn't considered an emergency, but it is necessary to be seen to make sure it didn't cause a retina tear.  That was another visit to the retinal specialist who numbed the eye and performed a test involving pushing my eyeball every which way while shining a very bright light into the eye.  Not exactly my idea of fun, but the good news was no retina tear.  

Apparently these PVDs are common as we get older.  The eye doctor said most of us will get them.  When Brett and I were talking about it afterwards, we couldn't think of anybody we knew that has had them.

All of these eye issues happening at once have given me a new appreciation for my eyesight.  I suppose it is one of the many things in life I have taken for granted until something like this makes me sit up and take notice.  I occasionally try to imagine life with vanishing eyesight and quickly stick my head back in the sand.  I am thankful for doctors who specialize in this field and for the medications that may prolong my vision.  

I must say while I've been trying to limit my computer time. I have been paying better attention to the beautiful sights around me like the butterflies and this cloud formation that was right outside my door the other evening.

July was very dry here.

August has been making up for it with plenty of rainfall and even the remnants of Tropical Storm Debbie.

The first rainy evening I lit the patio table candles and just sat out there watching and listening to the glorious raindrops as they gave my garden the hydration it so desperately needed.  My best efforts with the garden hose are no match for plentiful rainfall.

Well, what do we have here?

I see you through the Japanese Maple.

Please don't eat the black eyed susans or the crape myrtle blossom.

Well, that's the low down on my eye issues.

It's been taking up a good part of the summer.

Now, I hope to carry on with "regularly scheduled programming".

Thank you for your caring comments and prayers.

I sure do appreciate it!!

💗💗💗

Summertime ~ Hydrangea Time

Since I last posted it has officially become summer.

I hope yours is off to a good start.

Here the hydrangeas are coming into bloom which is always a highly anticipated event.

I especially like how it only takes a few blossoms to make a good sized bouquet.

This one has been on the table for over two weeks.

While the hydrangeas are thriving, the roses are struggling.

The Japanese Beetles have moved in and set up a smorgasbord.

(you might see one of the little buggers on the bottom left rose).

I have been going out there morning and evening to shake them off into a bucket of soapy water.  I am seeing more blossoms now, but the foliage looks bad.  From past experience, they eventually move on or expire and the plants rebound.  Looking forward to that day.

In other news:

My eye doctor appointment last week revealed changes that resulted in an urgent visit to a retinal specialist.  It seems I now have macular degeneration.  I received an eye injection and will be receiving them monthly.  The day after the injection the doctor advised no tv, computer or reading time.  I was a bit surprised by how often I felt the urge to pick up my phone and check all those things I check each day.  I tried to think of what I did all day before the internet and social media took over.  I often miss those days.  Back then I was raising kids and busy with all that was required for that.

It was kind of a fun challenge to find other things to keep me busy.

Drawers are being decluttered, ovens cleaned, carpets vacuumed and new recipes being tried.

So, now that I can return to my normal daily life, I think it best to greatly reduce my time spent on the computer.  Did you know that when we are on computers and devices we don't blink as often as we should?  That isn't a good thing for dry eye (which is another thing I'm dealing with).  The eye doctor told me that they are seeing a much higher amount of children with dry eye.  He said that was rare in children before electronic devices became such a part of daily life.

Anyhow, the reason I am sharing this with you is that if you don't see new posts here or comments from me on your blogs, you will know why.  I'm not ready to totally give up on blogging, just prioritizing things.

Wishing you all a wonderful summer!

Busy Moving

Big changes have been taking place here.

A large portion of our furniture made it's way into this moving truck headed to our son's new home.

We've been getting by without family room and dining room furniture.  It was a wonderful opportunity to give the floors and baseboards a good cleaning.  New furniture has been ordered.

Once we got everything moved to his new home, we helped him get his condo in the city ready to sell.  He moved here after graduating from college and starting his career.  That was 12 years ago.

Once the place was empty, I felt a bit nostalgic thinking about how much has changed since he first moved here.  Another one of those "where does the time go" moments.

Even though he is now a grown man, I asked him to let me get one last picture with the city in the background.

The new furniture has begun to trickle in.

So far I am very happy with how it looks and functions.

If I ever get nostalgic for the old furniture I know where to find it.

Fall Inspiration at the Furniture Store

Well, it's still HOT here.  The kind of heat that has worn out it's welcome as far as I'm concerned.  So, while I have nothing against summer, I am just yearning for the cooler temperatures to arrive.  I want to be enjoying the outdoors without melting.  

Yesterday we escaped the heat and spent a few hours in the air conditioned Hickory Furniture Mart.  One of my favorite stores to visit is an Amish made furniture shop.  The craftsmanship of the furniture is so impressive to me.  I also enjoyed how they had decorated for the fall season.  This large dining table with seating for 12 greeted us when we first walked in.  I could just picture each chair filled with family members enjoying Thanksgiving dinner together.  A fire would be crackling in the fireplace and, perhaps, the snow would be falling outside the windows.  Ha!  On a blistering hot day, one can dream.

I would love to curl up in this bed with a good book.

Unfortunately the scale of this furniture was too large for the guest room we are trying to furnish.

I'm not quite ready to decorate for fall.  I did, however, enjoy gathering inspiration for when the time comes.

Sitting by a campfire on a cool, crisp evening sounds heavenly right about now.

This display makes me anticipate fall baking and those delicious fall flavors.  Pumpkin Spice, Apple Everything, Cinnamon, Cloves & Nutmeg.

All of these pretty fall decorations are getting me in the mood to start adding a few touches to my own home.  This week our temperatures are forecast to drop into the 80s.  One day the high is only supposed to be 79.  Woo Hoo!!!  I think that might be all that's needed to start the decorating process.  I may begin with the hutch.  I like the simple way they decorated the one above.

I'm nowhere near being ready to see Halloween decorations here as they look out of place to me when it's full on summer outside.  When the leaves start to change and cooler temperatures are here to stay, that will be the time for jack o' lanterns.

I did have to laugh at this display in the Amish buggy.

While we didn't find furniture at the Amish shop, it was fun to wander through and be inspired.  

We did find what we were looking for in one of the other shops.  Awaiting furniture delivery will be a pleasant way to pass these late summer days.  My son has recently bought his first house.  We have donated some of our furniture to him.  I now feel right at home in his house :D.

Enjoy this last August weekend!

What Happens in the Courtyard

When we created this courtyard patio space, we planted jasmine at the base of the trellis and watched it grow and fill in nicely.  Just what we had in mind to offer privacy from our close proximity neighbor :).

This is how it looked last summer.

A late winter freeze threatened to do it in.  In fact when spring rolled around it was totally brown.  It was a bit devastating to lose it after watching it thrive for a few years.  Brett was set to dig it up until I noticed a few green leaves at the base of each plant.  Rather than surrender it just yet, we decided to see if in time it would rebound.

Knowing that it wouldn't look too impressive this season, I planted a row of morning glory and moonflower seeds along the base of the trellis.  For some reason only the seed on each end germinated.

As summer has evolved we have been watching these vines climb up the trellis.  Not quite as pretty as the jasmine, but at least it's green and growing.

Since they haven't bloomed, I'm not sure which flower to expect.

The other evening I went to see if there were any buds yet and was surprised to see this:

~ Ipomoea Alba ~

One big beautiful moonflower.

For a relatively small patio situated so close to the next house, a lot goes on out there if one is paying attention.  In the spring this cardinal was a daily visitor.  Flying from window to window banging his beak into the window, it was easy to tell when he was here.  Oftentimes his mate would be out there with him.

This sweet little chipmunk has discovered the bird feeder.

I enjoy watching him along with the birds while drinking my morning coffee in the living room.

Apparently someone else is visiting the patio during the night.

On a recent morning the feeder had been knocked to the ground and I spied the little chipmunk wondering where his food source had gone.

Standing on his tippy toes for a closer look.

Behind him grow our two tomato plants.

Upon closer inspection I found the night visitor had helped himself to several tomatoes along with the bird food.

This visitor is my least favorite.

You have to really be paying attention to spot him there hiding between the patio and the siding on the house.

I know that snakes have their place.  I just wish it was nowhere near my place.  One day I was stepping onto the patio from the house to water my plants and nearly set my foot down on him or one of his many, many relatives.  EEK, I'm not sure who ran/slithered away faster from that close encounter.

🐍