Monday, February 8, 2010

Guilty Feelings

Try as I might, there has been no inspiration for blog posts to be found around here.  I have never been a daily blogger, but I marvel at those of you who are.  I marvel at your ability to come up with "fresh material" on a daily basis.  It occurred to me this morning that I probably should change my post as the snowstorm on my last post is long gone.

Sisters are the Brightest Blossoms in Life's Garden of Light

I considered posting that I was taking a blog break or possibly ending my blogging days. 
Not sure why, but the things I normally blog about suddenly seemed kind of silly to me.

To be honest, I sometimes even feel guilty about it.  I suppose that sounds strange, but this is why ...

The angel shown in my photos today is a gift I bought to send my sister.  It is one of the small things I can do to let her know I am thinking of her. If you are new here you can read about what happened to my sister here

Her year has not gotten off to a good start.  A fall, a hospital stay, a blood clot discovered, another hospital stay.

When I last called her she was trying so hard to tell me something.  Unfortunately her speech has not been recovered enough for me to understand what she was saying.  I sensed her frustration and felt soo bad. 

I continue to call, send cards & letters and pray for her. 

Yesterday as we watched the Super Bowl, I was flooded with memories of the many times she would host a family Super Bowl party.  Our husbands and sons are all huge sports fans.  She had a real gift for making it a fun time for all of us. 

Knowing what each day is like for my sister and her family ...
taking pictures of knick knacks, white bathrooms, cups of coffee, etc.  sometimes feels a bit insignificant in the scheme of things.

However, the main reason I got involved in blogging was to be given a reprieve from life's more difficult moments.  So in the end I guess that's a good thing, not something to feel guilty about.  What do you think?


  1. Oh Kim, please don't give up your blog! I love it! And you need this outlet. Just because we show decorative things in our house, which may seem insignificant in the broad scheme of things, it doesn't mean we don't care about Haiti and our ailing relatives and world hunger. It just means we seek out this community to be a part of to share so that we CAN do the hard things! I know you're frustrated and sad. But just telling us how you're feeling is a blog post, and one we want to read. Really.

  2. Not something to feel guilty about, Kim. And what would your sister tell you if she could articule her thoughts? Your heart knows.

    Funny that you admire one who posts every day. I often do, but I feel like a chatterbox or a magpie just talking to be talking, which I take it is how you've been feeling.

    There's so much going on "behind the scenes" in every blogger's life. It's okay to talk about it when you want and it's okay to talk about other things as a way of bringing normalcy (is there such a thing?)to life. I am often trying to feel "normal."

  3. First of all you must promise not to stop blogging. I look forward to visiting your Happy Home. I know it's hard to come up with new topics....sometimes we just have slower times.

    I can understand how you feel, when you compare writing a blog compared to your sister's struggles. You probably don't realize how uplifting you are to those of us looking at your pictures and reading your blog, and then reading your thoughtful and sweet comments on our blogs.

    When I'm having a down day....I'm lifted by the people I follow in this blogging community.

    My prayers are with your sister!

  4. I think that in part you are right,but we do what we do in that exactly time, no matter before or after,only the moment we decide to do something,and of course we are in a continue change,and we really know when it´s time... besos Lilian.-

  5. I just found your blog, I think you should not feel guilty at all, you sound like an amazing sister~!!Dont feel guilty~ really!!

    sending you some hugs, Darla

  6. I can only ditto what everyone else has said. Please don't stop!

  7. Don't you dare quit blogging. Everything doesn't need to be "whatever blog worthy" is...The main reason I blog and read to enjoy the fun, pretty, silly things of life...I have enough "serious" to fill a please...keep blogging...whatever! I will be here!

  8. Oh, I think if it's therapy for you to come and just chat about little things with your blog friends, then you should NOT feel guilty about it. Hey, it's cheaper than a therapist! ;D.....
    Don't give up...sometimes we all hit dry spots, and then you can either take a break or talk about the salt, or the weeds, or the know, nothing. It's okay...take it at a pace that is helpful!


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  10. Dear Kim, I only started blogging in late Sept so I went back and read about your sister. I am so sorry that she is going through this. I believe in part, I understand where you are coming from with blogging. Right now, tonight my husband and I are waiting for 1pm tomorrow to find out if the MRI is conclusive as to what the "mass" is in his only remaining kidney. Iam in limbo, have been out on FMLA to be with my husband for appts, support etc. We are soul mates and best friends as well as husband and wife and this is just how we do it. I thank God for FMLA. Since we found out almost a month ago (ultrasound, Ct Scan, CT scan with contrast, MRI, one each week, then wait for the Dr appt etc) I have felt as you do, beautiful things, white, thrift stores seem so insufficient in the larger scale of life when we don't know what the appt tomorow will tell us and where we go from there. I am an only child, so I honestly cannot say I know how much you miss you siser, but I can imagine. Personally, I feel you should go with your heart. If you want to share with us about your sister, updated, or memories you two shared we will be happy to pray, smile, applaude you, whatever you need. If you need a break, just take it. We all understand. We will be waiting when you feel able to post again. Know that I will be praying for your sister and you and all your family. Follow your heart Kim and you won't go wrong.
    Big hugs,

  11. Kim,
    I forgot to say how beautiful the angel is. It is the perfect gift for your sister to see each morning as she wakes up and before she goes to sleep and everytime she wants to feel you close. Perhaps they had another one, which you could get for yourself. I would be happy to buy one for you if you tell me where to get it or I could send you a check. I just felt the Lord was telling me to do this as I think both of you having one would be such a comfort to both of you.
    Please let me know. I am very serious in my offer.

  12. Your sister wouldn't want you to give up things that are pleasurable to you. Blogs are just a way to make friends and share each in each other's lives. It's a good thing and nothing to feel guilty about. No need to write when you don't feel like it either... XX

  13. Hi Kim,
    You can count me among these other friends who hopes to see you continue your blog. While I certainly understand what you mean...when set against the big picture of life, our home decor, the weather and our thrifty knick-knacks don't seem important. I even understand your guilt about it...when someone so dear as your sister has lost the ability to do so many things she enjoys. In some ways, you've lost your joy.

    The thing that draws me to your blog isn't necessarily your decor (however lovely), but it's your grace and appreciation for the little things in life...a kind gesture by your husband or son, a beautiful bird, flower or snowfall, a cherished memory. Even when you're shared some of the more difficult things, you've done so with grace and encouragement.

    Don't feel pressured to post daily or within any set time parameters...just post when you can. Take an extended break if you'd like. We'll understand, I promise.

    It has been awhile since I prayed for your sister. This was a good reminder to do that again. I'm praying for you, too.

    Love & blessings,

  14. Dear Kim, I read this post with a heaviness in my heart. The one I often feel when I think of you and all that you have been through the last few years with your beloved mother and sister. Really, I can't imagine how much it all must heart you. But, one thing for sure you and your blog are a real special blessing in my life and the lives of so many. In the midst of your heartaches, you share beauty and insights. You inspire, you encourage, and you bless by your posts. There are dry periods in blogging, I know firsthand that is true.

    Please don't stop blogging and please know for sure, whether you share five words or five paragraphs...we will be here to visit.

  15. I too, can understand where your guilt might come from. But I agree that you should place no restraints on your blogging...just continue it as you want. I love to visit with you...and would continue to do so no matter how often you were to post.

    I will offer prayer that your commitment would be clear to you!

  16. Hi, Kim - What you've written really rings true, but it always does. People have all kinds of diversions, from shopping to golf, to take them away from their everyday cares, and no one would think to question why they would do that or if they should do that. If your diversion is to appreciate the things around you and share them with others in a heartfelt way, so much the better - it's something you can do for yourself and share with others. I don't think anyone should feel obligated to blog, and a break can be useful sometimes, but I think you're creating something beautiful, and that's a wonderful thing.

  17. Your blog is one of my favorites and I would miss you so much if you quit blogging.
    I think we all have thoughts like you from time to time about blogging. I know I do.
    You shouldn't feel guilty because your blog is happy and makes us smile and that is good! :-)
    I continue to pray for your sister!

  18. Dear Kim, your heart is heavy right now so nothing seems right. Under the circumstances this is certainly normal and no reason for you to feel bad or guilty. It's nice to know that you feel you can be honest when you do post and don't have to pretend or put up a facade. Everyone understands as everyone has heartache. My kids always want to know why all the comments people leave are so positive -- they wonder why no one says anything mean? This blogging community is all about uplifting and encouraging one another. That's been my experience thus far! Don't ever measure yourself up to what someone else is doing. Just do what is right for you. Honestly, I don't even know what to post about most of the time. My life is just rather normal but normal is good. Take time to relax and breathe. Our prayers are with your sister. Wishing you all the best, Tammy

  19. Kim, I so agree with the other comments. Please don't feel guilty.

    Sending you some BIG hugs and keeping your sister in my prayers.


  20. Kim, I don't think any of us ended up blogging and meeting by accident. God has brought too many wonderful people into my life and I know that it is He, who lays it on my heart to pray for those in need that I have met through blogging. I see this as a community of sisters, encouraging and lifting one another up. How can something so special be insignificant? We are there for you as we know you are there for us. Thank you for your friendship and inspiration. Love, Twyla

  21. Kim,
    When you blog about pretty things it by no means takes your thoughts away from your sister...that she isn't important..your blog is your diary...for you to come back and read and remember....little things that brought you moments of joy while you were in despair......I've struggled with this very same thing so many times....and I've even blogged about it. Bragging about "Look what I bought" makes me feel so shallow sometimes....but it helps me remember the joy I had in finding the treasure.....and what I did with doesn't take my heart away from my moms illness.....or the people of Haiti......
    You and I met here in blogland because of our similar situations....both our mothers were suffering from such a horrible disease. I felt like we could "talk" through email to understand what was going on with Alzheimers. If not for you and a few other women I met through blogging....It would be a much harder road to walk....

  22. Hi Kim
    I am sorry to hear about your sister's struggles with her health. I am very close to my sister and I know how hard it is when someone who is close to you is suffering.
    But don't give up the blogging. Just post whenever you feel like it. There are no expectations here. As Brenda says just because we post about trivial things it doesn't mean we aren't involved in important matters too.I always enjoy my visits here.
    Hugs, Rhondi


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